Defeated with a small chance of hope

First I will deliver the bad news... I suck at running. Well crud, that isn't really news.

I went to my run Saturday morning feeling very confident. I left feeling extremely defeated. In my previous run I stayed towards the front and could feel a gap starting so this week I made it a point to stay towards the back of the pack. On one hand I'm glad b/c I really would of been a road block at the front but it made it easier to fall very behind. I made it to about minute 7-9 (already extremely behind everyone else) before I gave up and ended up walking the rest of the trail. I had been thinking that I could attempt the half-marathon in February, but all I want to do now is finish the program. I'm already dreading next week, its a 30 minute run/walk and I can't make it past minute 7!

Now.. for my silver lining. I have asked Chip to become my running partner. During the week I have the motivation to get out there and actually do it, my motivation fails when I have to push through the "hard"part. Its too easy for me to say, I'll walk this block and then I will run.... in other words, excuse, excuse, excuse. I need someone to keep me going, to watch the timer for me so that is not all I am concentrating on. We went out this morning and I'm proud to announce I did the full 22 minutes!! Very slowly, not at all at the speed of my pace group on Saturday mornings... but I did the 22 minutes. I don't want to set my hopes up again, but I don't feel as defeated as I did on Saturday.

Rain, Rain go away.. Wait, come back!

To follow up on my last post, which also happened to be my last run, I was miserable and could not walk for a couple of days. My legs were so sore and were very mad at me. Then Tropical Storm Fay made its debut and made running difficult. And yes, I know it sounds just like another excuse and yes I know you can run in the rain. But I'm not running during a tropical storm so my excuse is valid this time, and my lack of motivation helped my excuse remain strong.

With the rain gone as well as my limited motivation, I did venture out on my own last night. According to my running schedule, I should be up to a 25 minute run/walk. I did do my 25 minutes last night, alot more walking than running. To be more exact, 5 minutes of walk/run and the rest just walking.

I don't understand my motivation. I'm motivated in the fact I want to do this, I just lack the motivation of actually doing it. I mean I really, really want this. I get out there on my "run" and the minute I feel tired or hurt, I quit. And I know it will do nothing but make me mad when I think back on it but yet I still do it. I lack the determination to push past my boundaries.

I will be out of town this weekend so it will be another weekend without my group run, ast week was cancelled due to TS Faye and the fact our location was under water. When I do re-join the group they will be up to a 40 minute run/walk. 40 minutes..... 40 MINUTES!!! I can't even make it 5, what am I going to do?

No holding back now

My bad habits finally trumped my motivation, as you can tell by my lack of absoutely no posting. In the back of my mind.... waaayyyy way back there, I knew I needed to get back out there and get used to running. But the front of my brain that controls everything else kidnapped the back half and said to it "Nah, she'll be fine, she will start running when her program starts".

And let me tell you... my back brain was right and now I'm paying for it. Today was the first day of my Galloway Let's Get started program. We started off 1 minute run, 1 minute walk, 1 minute run, puke. Okay, well I didn't really puke but felt like it many times. They told us they will start us off at 1 and 1 for this week then next week we will break out into our pace groups. Yeah, Danielle will be going down a level. Next week is 20 minutes and today at minute 7 is when I thought my legs were going to fall off. In the next nine weeks I will have my group training on Saturday mornings... at 7am on Saturday mornings. Yeah, that sucked this morning especially since I have an Olympic hangover, dang Olympics going onto until past midnight. Anywho by the end of 9 weeks they think that our group will be ready for a 5K. A what?

Oh, and to top my morning off (as if it couldn't get any better) I locked my keys in the car. My bright idea was to take my car key off the chain so I wouldn't have to carry around the whole set. Would of been a great plan if I hadn't grabbed the wrong key. Luckily our meeting place was just a few doors down from where I work where I now sit waiting for someone to come pick me up.

I hang my head in shame

I'm sure you can already assume that my lack of posting is directly correlated to my lack of running. I've been managing about once a week, so every I'm having to start over on week 1 every monday. My old cheating habits tells me I should just skip ahead to week 2 b/c obviously week 1 is holding me back (yeah right). But then I can't also finish week 1 so which bad habit trumps the other one?

My common excuses for the past four weeks: Its too hot (which it really is, hard to run in 95 degree weather), I didn't do it yesterday so whats one more day, I'll run in the morning... I'll run after work cycle.

The good side.. I still haven't given up hope yet. I'm bound to do this, I just need my lazy butt to get the message. My motivation still, and the main reason I did it, is I'm still signed up for the Jeff Galloway's Getting Started running to start in August, which I'm not wasting 70 bucks. I know the class is for all beginning stages, I would just like to be in just a little bit more shape before the class starts. Listen to me... another freaking excuse.. I don't have to do it now b/c I will do it in my class. Blast it... just freaking do it Danielle.

First day Complete

Last night I did about 20 minutes of run/walk. Well.. I did more walking than running, but I did it.

I also went out and bought Jeff Galloways Book "Getting Started Running" and read the first few chapters last night. I was skimming the book and looking at his training schedule and it looks just so much more friendly than other programs I have tried. So I'm getting really excited about this, I almost think I can do it.

I'm Officially Comitted

I did it.. I registered for my first running program. So either I just paid 69 bucks to learn how to run or I just paid 69 bucks to put towards my wishful thinking of becoming a runner. The training doesn't start until August 16, so my "plan" is to start running a little bit on my own so I can come up to the beginner level. And yes, I know I'm a beginner as I write this, but honestly I feel like I'm below a beginner status. I can't run down the block, that is a little less than a beginner. I'm a .... pre-beginner. Eh, I need to come up with a cooler name.

So this morning I had my last french toast stick from Burger King. My running shoes are in the car and I'm going start my plan tonite. And just maybe I will be a beginner once I start my program in August.

Oh.. and if you want to know what the heck I'm talking about, here is the running program I joined. I will be doing the Getting Started program. I know it says for the half-marathon, but one big goal at a time. My goal today, and until I start the program in august, is to be able to run a half-mile.

Dreams of Running

Every once in awhile I will have a dream that I'm running. I will actually stop to think in my dream..."Hey, I'm running" and then just continue on like its no big deal. But the sad reality is that I really can't run. Oh, I've tried over the years and even deluded myself that I could be on my high school track team. But the truth is... if you offered to pay me $1000, I still couldn't make it down the street.

What sucks most... is that I really truly would love to become a runner. I love watching people on the river walk who run for miles... they look so peaceful. I want to become one of those people. I've tried those programs where you walk and then run then walk again. The entice me with the title "Couch potato to 5K". I have even attempted it once, heck one time I even dragged Chip out there. But then come on the shin splints and my arch hurting... every excuse I can think of and which makes it easy for me to quit.

This morning I got to work and saw some fitness article on my e-mail (yes, that is also another goal, to get fit). I remembered awhile back I had posted a question to one of these running websites and after 5 weeks I decided to actually follow up on it (can you sense my level of motivation?) And I don't even remember why I decided today would be the day, but I feel so determined to actually do this. And now you can follow along with me in my journey. My name is Danielle and I'm a wanna-be-runner.